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My Biggest Fan

by Shoreditch Boy

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lyrics

My Biggest Fan:


Excuse me
Excuse me
I am offended
You have offended me
With your poetry

That one
That one you did just now
About humanity
That offended me

I’ve got children for Christ’s sake
Do you understand that?
Children
Do you have any idea what it takes to conceive a child?

And you stand there and say they mean nothing to you
That the world is overpopulated, and saturated, our blessed planet emaciated, desecrated
And you make a joke of it
You stand there and say that childbirth is a crime
And you give it a punchline and make it rhyme

How bloody dare you

I love life
You fuck

How can you have any self-respect being a poet?
Do you pay taxes?
Do you have a National Insurance number?
Are you even VAT registered?
I’ve got a business, my own business,
I own it but I’ve employed a boss who works over me
Just so I don’t slack
And you stand there and talk about barbaric beauty and undulating hair upon a pillow
You should be a-fucking-cocking shamed of yourself

How dare you?
I’ve got a mortgage,
A mortgage!

I get up at 5:30 in the bloody morning
When do you get up?
To make words rhyme
To say how horrible and unbearable life is but also trying to find the shards of light within
I pay seven different types of insurance by direct debit on a monthly basis
Who’s the real man?

You have offended me
I just wanted you know that

credits

released April 3, 2014

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Shoreditch Boy UK

Shoreditch Boy is a performance poet who riffs grotesque lyrical ballads and fucked-up fairytales on age-old themes of thwarted love, broken dreams and estate agency. He's gigged at Latitude, Camden Crawl and Edinburgh Festival.

“The most notable poet of the night. Comedic yet dark, allowing us to gauge the increasing levels of depravity as he powers on through the lines” – Sounding Out. ... more

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